Mother’s Day is a celebration honouring the mother of the family or individual, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds and the influence of mother’s in society. Traditionally, it is celebrated by the giving of gifts and the showing of appreciation for the challenging role that is, motherhood however, for mother’s whose children have been removed from their care and for those children, it can represent a painful reminder of grief, broken bonds and fractured relationships.
The commercialisation of Mother’s Day means there’s constant reminders of the national holiday at every turn. Over the last few years we’ve seen many large retailers such as Bloom & Wild, Very and Sainsbury’s, offering their customers an option to ‘opt-out’ of mother’s day marketing and communications. Some consumers have welcomed this choice, for those who have lost their mothers or for more complex reasons Mother’s Day can be ‘triggering’ the day can be a painful or complicated time for some.
Becoming a mother can be one of the most rewarding and equally, the most frightening, anxious, tiring and frustrating experiences. It is rarely something that comes naturally and even the most experienced and prepared, will be pushed to their limits through sleep deprivation and the many developmental changes that can be gruelling. It is a role that should be celebrated, no matter what the circumstances as there are very few mothers who we meet in our line of work that we truly believe to have deliberately harmed their children.
We meet mothers who suffer from domestic abuse, mental health problems or learning difficulties; mothers who have been abused themselves as children and who have a poor blueprint for parenting their own children. When they inevitably find themselves repeating the mistakes made by their own mother’s, they do not feel that their role as a mother should be celebrated or honoured because their best was simply not good enough. If children have been removed, it can become one of the most difficult days, not just for the mother’s but also for the children. Our experience tells us that many foster carers will go above and beyond to include the children’s mother’s by purchasing cards and gifts for the children to take with them to contact and I would urge any foster carer to give thought to the mothers on this day, regardless of the circumstances that led to the children’s removal.
At ACCA, we strive to support those mothers to develop their skills and offer their children and themselves, a better narrative for family life. Our first objective is to harness strengths in order to optimise their capacity to make meaningful changes that deserve celebration. Our ultimate aim is to keep families together, or to find a way for children to be safely rehabilitated to their mother’s care. Regardless of the outcome, they remain mother’s in every sense of the word and nearly all of them have done the best that they can to fulfil that role. That, in itself, is a considerable achievement for some, worthy of recognition.
